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[bigboyvibes]

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[whatwestarted]

Kind of surprised to hear that, honestly. [she is: steve had never seemed to have trouble finding romance in the past. she touches the side of his car.] Is your door unlocked?

[bigboyvibes]

I'm a shit boyfriend remember?

[She had made that clear in her actions, turning to Byers.]

Yeah. Sorry, go ahead and hope in.

[whatwestarted]

Steve.

[nancy doesn't move, looking back at him now, her voice firm again.]

You weren't a shit boyfriend. I loved you.

[bigboyvibes]

[This is an extremely touchy subject for them both and for obvious reasons. It didn't seem like she loved him at the time, she said it herself.

Now honestly doesn't feel any different.]

You loved him more.

[whatwestarted]

The way I felt about anyone else has nothing to do with how I feel or felt about you. It wasn't a contest, I just - we both wanted vengeance.

[she takes a shallow breath.]

I loved him, yeah. But I loved you, too, and I won't let you hold him against me.

[bigboyvibes]

[What's he suppose to do? What does she want him to do or say? It's a bit frustrating because once again they are on two different pages. She says she loved him but she had said what she did that night at the Halloween party.

She couldn't tell him she loved him even after.

And it always seemed she was right back to Jonathan.]

Right.

[whatwestarted]

[nancy wonders if she would have fallen out of love with him if she hadn't been so desperately chasing barb's memory. what would she have done if those years hadn't been so completely driven by grief and guilt?]

You don't believe me.

[and she actually seems offended here.]

Because - what? Because I couldn't say it back before we broke up?

[bigboyvibes]

What am I supposed to believe, Nance?

[Their relationship wasn't perfect by any means but he at least thought she was happy with him at times but maybe that was just a lie too?]

[whatwestarted]

[it's freezing out here, but she's unwilling to budge now.]

That you made me happy. That I loved you. It just - I needed things I couldn't ask you for.

[bigboyvibes]

Why?

[Because he struggled to understand her grief and why she clung to it so desperately? None of that mattered much now. Steve had moved past it on his own.]

[whatwestarted]

You were -

[she makes a quiet noise of frustration.]

You were worried about - graduating and jobs and parties and I wanted that for you. I wanted you to live your life. I couldn't ask you to come take down the Hawkins Lab with me between basketball games.

[and then, more quietly-]

I didn't want you tangled up in all of this any more than you needed to be.

[bigboyvibes]

I was your boyfriend....

[And maybe his head hadn't been in the right place but he wanted her to move on too. He realizes now that was asking far too much of her. ]

And I would have.

[whatwestarted]

I know you would have. It just - it wasn't the right time for us. [she's visibly flustered.]

[bigboyvibes]

You made that clear....

[in more ways than one]

[whatwestarted]

But you're still mad at me for dating Jonathan.

[bigboyvibes]

Nancy...

[He runs his hands down his face in frustration.]

[whatwestarted]

Aren't you? You're angry. Admit it.

[bigboyvibes]

I was hurt!

[But he's tried his best not to hold it against her. He pushed her away with his selfishness and Jonathan had been by her side like a little lost puppy from the get go.]

[whatwestarted]

And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. But I thought you'd forgiven me.

[her eyes are hot, her shoulders pulled sharp.]

[bigboyvibes]

I never said I didn't.

[It would be wrong to hold that against her despite how much it had hurt him.]

[whatwestarted]

Well, you talk like you're still mad at me.

[and she doesn't know how to fix it.]

[bigboyvibes]

I'm sorry....

[He doesn't exactly know how to fix it either or how they can get past this hurdle.]

I've learned to move past it.

[whatwestarted]

I'm not ready for another relationship, Steve. I dated you, and then Jonathan, and - I just need a little time to figure out who I am.

[she takes a breath.]

[bigboyvibes]

So do it.

[He's not going to stop her.]

[whatwestarted]

But if you want to try again, when I do.