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[bigboyvibes]

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[whatwestarted]

[she had cared about steve, deeply, but she realizes now that she'd never been fully fair to him. nancy had tricked herself into thinking that steve harrington was too cool to go and fall in love with her.

she sighs, rubs her face. it wasn't that long ago, but it really feels like a lifetime.]

God, I had no idea what I was doing. I'm surprised you even called me after.

[bigboyvibes]

[Steve never explained himself to go and fall in love. He had always been the type that once sex came into the picture and he grew bored that was it.

Then came along Nancy Wheeler...

He's a bit taken aback at her confession and he takes a moment to glance in her direction?]

Why wouldn't I have called you?

[whatwestarted]

Because -

[the offended sulk has melted away into something amused. gently self-deprecating without any real heat behind it.]

I was bad. Just kind of - fumbling along. I got better, but that first time? Yikes.

[she is maybe remembering more awkwardness on her own part than was actually there.]

[bigboyvibes]

You weren't bad.

[He'll argue that without any hesitation.]

You were nervous but nearly every girl is there first time.

[And Steve had been gentle with her. Easing her in and making sure she was comfortable, that nothing hurt and he never once pressured.]

Did you think I just got what I wanted and that was going to be it?

[whatwestarted]

I mean, I worried about it a little bit, but no, I didn't think you were like that.

[she twists slightly to watch him drive, still leaned against the window.]

I do kind of wonder how it would've gone if the world hadn't gone to shit the second we started dating, though.

[bigboyvibes]

For the record I wouldn't have. I cared about you.

[That much was obvious and maybe that's where Steve had went wrong? Perhaps he didn't show Nancy enough or prove it? Maybe her heart had just been set on Jonathon from the beginning?

His mind could give him a million and one scenarios.

Her question causes him to go a bit tense. He had been asking himself that exact question the very second their relationship started failing.]

Maybe we would have made it? Maybe not? I can't exactly say.

[whatwestarted]

[she'd waited for jonathan after it had all ended, thought that maybe, with peace found again - but ultimately she had gone back to steve, hadn't she? maybe that was unfair to him, too. or maybe she was unfit for any kind of relationship until she managed to find closure over barb.

nancy closes her eyes, stops watching him.]

Sorry. I just wanted to hang out and I made it weird again.

[bigboyvibes]

[There are aspects of their relationship that Steve is never going to fully have closure on. He doesn't understand why she pretended she loved him when she didn't. Why she continued to be with him if she didn't honestly care.

Maybe that's what he deserved in the end?]

You didn't.

[whatwestarted]

[it had never been a lie, but her own hangups had swallowed so many of her other feelings whole. steve had wanted to move on, and that - well. maybe it had made her a little resentful.]

You're being sweet, but I totally did. Come on, we can think of something normal to talk about.

[bigboyvibes]

[He realizes now that he had been selfish when it came to Nancy's grief and he didn't grasp the fact that she truly missed Barb. That she constantly struggled with this inner guilt, even now.

That had not been fair but she didn't have to turn to Jonathan in the end.]

You know I uhhh, really like to think that maybe we would have worked you know? Even though I know we wouldn't have.

[whatwestarted]

Your friends thought I was a priss.

[nancy's voice is fond for the nostalgia of memory.]

But why are you so sure we wouldn't have?

[bigboyvibes]

They thought you were a lot of things.

[Even Robin had called Nancy a priss but when it came to both Tommy and Carol they adored slandering Nancy's name as much as possible. ]

I've realized we're two very different people and who's to say you wouldn't have chosen Jonathan despite everything?

[whatwestarted]

That's not fair to say. I don't think I would've even been friends with Jonathan if everything that happened didn't.

[which is a little sad to think about, but still.]

Maybe you would've just gotten tired of me. I could be pretty boring back then.

[bigboyvibes]

You honestly believe that?

[Because Steve sure as hell didn't. He figured the two would have gotten close regardless the circumstances.]

You honestly think that too?

[whatwestarted]

Steve and Will were best friends for how long, and I said like - five words to Jonathan before Will went missing.

[the next question gives her pause, though.]

And I don't know, maybe? I heard you broke a lot of hearts.

[bigboyvibes]

Doesn't mean you wouldn't have talked to him any more.

[And Jonathan had seemed pretty set on Nancy from the get go.]

I did, actually but you? You were different.

[whatwestarted]

Was it the flash cards? I always knew the flash cards were sexy.

[she's watching him again, expression quietly fond.]

[bigboyvibes]

Totally the flash cards. Was there ever any doubt in that?

[Steve realizes that he fell a little too fast and he should have kept himself guarded but he truly had believed that he had a future with Nancy.]

[whatwestarted]

You were a good study partner.

[she's both disappointed and a little relieved when they arrive at the theater, but she's making no rush to get out of the car.]

We had a good run, Steve Harrington.

[bigboyvibes]

You think so?

[Her words sting ever so slightly but he likes to believe that some parts of their relationship had been good, that she didn't hate or despise him the whole time

But-]

We did.

[whatwestarted]

Of course I think so.

[her tone is dismissive, like this is all just completely obvious.]

You were a great boyfriend. All those dinners with Barb's parents - you barely even knew her.

[bigboyvibes]

Stop...

[He lowers his head slightly in shame. They both know damn well that he wasn't a good boyfriend. He never had been.]

I wasn't a good boyfriend.

[whatwestarted]

[nancy gives him a firm look, sits up a little straighter.]

I loved you, Steve. I just - needed more than that. It wasn't your fault.

[bigboyvibes]

[Ouch.

Ouuuuuch.

Steve can feel old wounds begin to rip open and pieces of his heart will start leaking out. ]

I'm sorry my love wasn't enough.

[whatwestarted]

Yeah. I'm sorry, too.

[she means it.]

I didn't want love. I wanted... vengeance, I guess.